Never Again
by singinglover4life
Summary: After a miscalculated attack fueled by revenge, Raph is stuck in a place where he may not only lose a pet, but a brother too.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! I can't believe how much time it's been since I've posted something on here. ****As for my past readers, I'm really sorry for delaying my other stories for so long. For my new readers who don't care about that, I'm sorry for blabbing on. This is my first TMNT fanfic, so no flames, please! Enjoy!**

**p.s. This takes place a while after Slash and Destroy. I promise there will be no tcest or weird shippings. Just brotherly fluff at the end.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the turtles, Donnie and April would be fully canon and would've had an abundance of children right now. Yeah, I don't own anything except for my own ideas.**

* * *

It seemed like an ordinary day in the lair. Raph was kicking and lightly jabbing his sais into the practice dummy in the living room, more so rehearsing and editing his attack patterns. _Thank God Leo isn't watching me_, he thought, _going over fighting motions is his thing, not mine._ In front of me, Leo was mindlessly flipping through channels as there was nothing good to watch during prime time. Donnie was most certainly cooped up in his lab doing who knows what, and the youngest was apparently nowhere to be seen, most likely up to something pretty mischievous and stupid that would end up with him in deep trouble.

Which, unfortunately, also lead to an uncomfortable amount of silence.

"Hey, um, Raph?" Donnie called from his workplace, "I need some space on my desk here and this, um, empty canister of mutagen is no use to me. Do you want it or not?"

"And why should I care?" Raph asked.

"It's, um, the empty canister from which Spike... yeah." He had no need to continue.

"What? I thought it was in my room!" He raged.

"Well, yeah, about that, I needed a few more drops of mutagen to fill up another beaker and that was all we had left in the house yesterday. Sorry."

Raph marched up to Donnie and raised his fist. "How many times to I have to tell you people to STAY OUT OF MY ROOM?!"

Not at all intimidated by his big brother's threatening pose, he held up the broken canister. "Again I'll ask, _do you want it or not?_" Raph grunted and yanked the canister out of his hand.

On his way upstairs, Leo stopped him for a brief second. "Um, Raph, do you know what's Mikey's up to?" He asked without taking his attention from the blinking TV.

The red-banded turtle sighed, pissed at the same old question somebody just had to ask everyday. "You know I have an endless amount of responses for that, but for now I'm just gonna go with '_I don't know and I don't care_.'"

"Meow."

"Oh, what do you want now, you stupid cat?!" He retorted to the hideous furball whom he had almost tripped over.

Besides pizza and skateboarding, and also being a total pest, Klunk was the only thing that mattered to Mikey, and the pet trailed him almost everywhere he went in the lair. So Raph was a little confused as to why the cat was roaming freely like it owned the place without his owner around. This either meant the knucklehead was lurking around or Mikey was just being careless.

"Hmmph..." Leo pondered the same way he always did when he felt something awfully out of place. "I don't know, I haven't seen him for more than 2 hours. Could you go check on him?"

"Ugh. you worry too much sometimes, Fearless." The truth was, though, Raph was starting to worry about him, too. Instead of taking back what he said, he proposed: "Do you wanna watch a movie?" He lifted a finger before Leo could open his mouth, "I'm gonna go get a movie for you to watch. You stay right here, kay?"

Leo was left dumbfounded at his unusual generous offer, but stayed put nonetheless. As the leader and the eldest of his 3 brothers, who were all (sort of) highly skilled ninjas under the training of their sensei- but yet still mutant teenagers who were constantly getting into trouble- it wasn't his fault if he was a bit concerned about his brothers' whereabouts. Of course Raph understood his pain, maybe not like Leo did, since it was _Leo's_pain, but the responsibility of looking after each other was a big burden and he hated it. Of course, he didn't mind it at all, he had a big brother and two little brothers to protect that he deeply loved and cared about and Raph was proud of it. He would do anything for them. _But, well... it's hard sometimes!_

_All that pressure..._

"Don?" Leo asked as he saw the genius once again leave his work to brew some coffee. 'Go easy on Raph whenever you mention Spike. It's... still kind of a touchy subject for him."

"I know," Donnie grabbed a mug and poured the liquid in. **(A/N lol that was some fast brewing huh?)** "But that happened months ago! Isn't he supposed to be the tough guy?"

"Well, yeah... I suppose." Raph was the tough one, but he also had a tender heart. He knew his younger brothers were pretty heedless to Raph's situation and insisted on pushing his buttons, so Leo just kept to himself. Besides, everyone needed a mask to hide from time to time. He knew this pretty well from experience.

"I hope you know what you're doing." Donnie turned to him as he hurried back to work, mug in hand.

"Don't worry. Let's just hope Mikey doesn't mess this up." They both grinned.

As Raph pretended to go search for a movie, he quickly scanned Mikey's bedroom for any sign of him. Nothing. Ugh, Mikey better have a good reason to scare him like that. When he backed out of the doorway, he nearly fell onto Klunk again.

"MIKEY! YOUR STUPID CAT IS FOLLOWING ME AROUND AGAIN!" No reply. Of course.

"What's taking so long?" Leo teased from the living room.

"Alright, alright, be patient! Geez."

"You're telling me."

"Shut up, I'm the one doing you a favor here!"

"Sheesh, can't you guys keep it down a little?!" A different voice cried from the lab.

"Sorry, D!" Leo shouted back.

Raph crunched down to Klunk's level. "Listen, you pest. I don't care what my little brother thinks about you, but if you bother me like that one more time some really bad things are gonna be comin towards ya, so I suggest you stay away or _else_."

_Mikey better not have been snooping around in my room,_ he thought. His room was the one place that he kept sacred and was for him only. The only times Raph had ever let his family is was either when he was awfully sick (which rarely happened) or when they were little kids and Mikey would have a bad sleep and stayed with Raph instead. Also, the occasional talk from Master Spliter. Other than that, they were forbidden to enter. So of course the already-cracked-canister shattered into a thousand pieces as it hit the floor when he opened the door and walked into something he was not at all expecting.

It looked like there had been one of Donnie's experiments gone wrong in his very room.

"What the-?!"

Even with the lights on, the room was painted charcoal black.

The whole room had been painted black, all of his items, comics and weapons had been cleared from his room; all that was left remaining was his bed, his empty shelves, and his nightstand.

And in the center of the room, a crumpled leaf with a small bite taken from it.

_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?! MY STUFF?!_

Well, he didn't really seem to mind the new color. Actually, it kind of suited him. The rage circulating in him.

On one of his shelves, Raph had went through the trouble of building a little shrine for his dear former pet tortoise Spike. A picture of the happy duo, his little blanket he used to cover Spike in cold winter nights, and a few leaves from which he had been last seen chewing. But now it was gone. Along with everything else. Were they moving or something?

He would kill whoever had done this.

No, one of his family members must have done this. Not that he would consider them as family after this. Why couldn't they understand that he was going through a hard time? His brother knew better than to get under his skin instead of helping him. Well, not that he wished for any comfort, that wasn't how he healed. Instead, he just wanted to be left alone. _I bet Mikey was behind this, _he thought._ He must have snuck into the lab and set up one of Don's exploding prototypes. And surely Leo was part of it, but remained quiet about it._

He felt his knees buckle and stumbled to the floor, where he cupped his hands and lifted the leaf to his face.

"Oh, Spike..." He whispered to it. His face crunched and his eyes were beginning to moisten.

"Why did you have to leave me? You were the only one that understood..." He trailed off.

_Am I really- crying? What's wrong with me?!_

No, this wasn't like him at all. Why did he even care about a little pathetic shrine anyways?! This was waaay out of character... but at least with the door firmly shut and locked behind him, (he had insisted on putting one, even though _someone_ had figured out how to pick the lock) he knew he was virtually safe from confronting anyone in his current state. Besides, it was almost more than 2 months since Spike grew into Slash and betrayed him. He didn't deserve to be around him or his family. He almost beat his brothers to death right before his eyes!

_So why do I still care...?_

He had to accept it. Spike was different now. He was gone, nothing more than a distant memory. The pet he once knew and loved was now had transformed into a brute and powerful mutated freak just like that.

_Heh, just like me, _he chuckled to himself.

If anything, his transformation should have made them closer, not tear them apart.

A soft "Meow" was heard from the hallway as he refocused. Mourning over the loss of Spike would have to wait. Right now, all he seeked was to avenge his pet and himself- and that was meant getting even with the chucklehead behind all this. He had a big gut feeling the other 2 had something to do with, but he wasn't so sure yet. Raph's questions would have to be saved for now. His eyes went from hopeless to burning fiery as he pulled himself together and crunched his fists and cracked his neck. He knew he might regret his temper eventually, but this was what he felt was right.

_"Oh, Mikey, you really have made the biggest mistake of your life yet."_

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**Eeek! What's Raph going to do to Mikey?! Who knows?! Oh wait. I do. hehehehe. I hope I haven't disappointed you or wasted your time.. Should I have added more? Feel free to leave any suggestions! I promise, Mikey will be in the next chapter! (He's my favourite character c: ) Spoiler: Raph _is_ going to regret his temper later. Heh I'm think I'm so funny. There will be more serious problems though... Please review! It's my fuel to write/update faster ;)  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! Eight reviews on my first chapter? (I didn't even think it was that good, tbh.) I did my best to PM everyone who reviewed, but I'm going to say it again: thanks for all the support!**

**So I think I should have named this story "A huge slap in the face." You know why? Because 2 days after posting my first fanfic in almost a YEAR, my laptop (along with my second and third chapter docs) shut down on me. ._. I'm not very comfortable with writing on my iPod but I'll make it work. **

**Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? Sorry, the turtles and the concepts of the show are not mine. (except maybe Mikey. he's all mine! jokes)**

* * *

_BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ._

_...!?_

Mikey woke up in a frantic, tangled in his covers.

"Augh..." He spoke groggily. He struggled to fight his way out of the sheets and landed in a heap on the floor. He winced as he got up, still getting used to. He was always the most stubborn and sleepy turtle when it came to waking up, despite he was also the one who often slept in the most. As his fuzzy vision began to clear, he retied up the ends of his customary orange mask as he looked at the time.

_6:47._ Training began at seven. _Awh, shell__, _he panicked._ I better get started on breakfast!_

He flew down the stairs, washed his hands, and took out everything he would need. He beatboxed for a while and began to rap. "Yo, yellow cheese, eggs, white cake batter... put a little bit on the skillet when it starts to bubble flip it over with your spatul-AHH!" Mikey shrieked when he saw his oldest brother already snug in his seat.

"Wow," Leo teased. "You're worse than Raph when he sees a cockroach." The joke was on him, but Mikey was cleary amused by this and did a bad job of pretending that statement bothered him.

"So where's Raph and Don?" It was so weird to see that Leo was not in a hurry.

Mikey pointed at Donnie already with mug in hand on the couch, "Don's over there," he said it like it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Oh," was all Leo could say about that. "You haven't seen Raph, then?"

Mikey snorted. "Psh. I dunno. What, you think I know everything?"

"You _act_ like you know everything." Donnie said from the couch.

"No! _You_ act like you know everything!"

"I know more than you do."

"Prove it."

They both growled at each other.

"Stop it!" Leo interrupted their little showdown. "We don't have time for this!"

A different, much deeper voice broke through the commotion. "What is the meaning of all this?!" Their mouths flew shut faster than a mouse trap.

"Um, hey Sensei," Leo fumbled for words. "We were just, um..."

"...Making breakfast?" Mikey said with a sheepish grin.

Donnie stood up. "Sorry, Master Splinter... We were just about to go to the dojo in a few-"

"No need." He raised his hand. "Training has been cancelled for today."

"What?" The three exclaimed in unison.

"Um, sensei, not that I'm complaining, but... why?" Don asked.

Splinter took a deep breath and hushed his voice. "Your brother has been going through a lot lately and it seems as if he won't be able to take much more. I want to go a little easier on Raphael, but if I excuse him only, it'll seem like I'm giving him sympathy, and you all know that's the last thing he wants."

"In other words," Mikey tried to translate, "If we keep pushing his buttons without a break he'll totally explode on us?"

"Look who's talking," Don mumbled, recalling the endless amount of times his little brother had exceeded the button-pushing limit.

Mikey growled at him. "I heard that," he retorted.

Leo rolled his eyes. "You mean, you don't want to make him feel like he's getting special treatment, right?"

"In a way."

"...But we're still technically giving him sympathy, right?"

"Everyone needs sympathy." Their sensei stroked his beard. "Tell me, Leonardo, is there a way you could love and care for a person without expressing sorrow when they are down?"

He pondered for awhile. "I guess not."

Splinter recollected his memories from the other night. He had gone in the middle of the night to get a drink, but after a lifetime of having mastered his meditation skills, or because he had an understanding of psychology, or maybe it was just the feeling he got as a father, he felt something was out of place. He made sure to check each of his sons' rooms to assure that they were safe and sound in bed. When he got to Raph's room, he could hear bits and pieces of sobbing and an occasional WHAMP on the bed or floor, which he figured could only be the sound of him smacking his pillow everywhere. Instead of checking in on what was the matter with him, Splinter stood in front of the door listening to his quiet suffering for hours until he assumed that Raphael had passed out from the lack of sleep. He knew he should have done something about it, instead of just floating about and keeping their problems to himself. But he had been patient, and Raph had eventually fallen asleep. Even though this hadn't really resolved anything, and that he would ask his son about this some other time, he also needed some space to heal on his own. When it came down to it, people just recovered on their own. Besides, nobody could fully understand and resolve the troubles of another person, no matter how much they wanted or tried to.

Splinter continued. "More importantly than sympathy, we must be patient. I believe we are all aware of his light temper issues, no?

_No, _Leo thought,_ we were never made aware of Raph's **light** temper issues. _But he kept to himself.

"I see," He said, acknowledging the acceptance their silence displayed. "While we are patient to Raphael's recovering, I suggest you keep as neutral as possible with him. That means treating him with utmost respect, and avoiding anything that could provoke him _in any way._ Understood?"

The three turtles bowed their heads. "Hai, sensei."

As he was leaving, he fixated his glare towards Mikey. "And that also means no unruly pranks, Michelangelo."

His eyes wandered about as if there could be another Michelangelo in the room until he accepted his father's order. "But I haven't done anything like that in the past week!" He was intimidated by the awful stare-down Splinter was giving him. "Fine,"he mumbled.

The two oldest brothers in the room both turned to face the youngest. "What? I swear I didn't do anything!..."

They gave him a you-better-be-telling-the-truth look.

"Dudes, it's not my fault Raph's gone all grumpy on us. I mean even more than usual... I even painted his room black for him!" _Oops. _

"What?!" Donnie cried a little too loudly.

"Why would you even do that?! Espeically at a time like this?!" Leo scolded.

_Uh oh. Why do I keep getting myself into a mess? _Mikey thought._ And it's only 7am! Think, Mikey, think. _"He wanted it that way!" He blurted out. "Remember when Master Splinter told us a few weeks ago that he was going to have to change things up around here, Raph was like: 'I just want my room black!'"

Donnie took a brief moment to let Mikey's ridiculous logic fully sink in. He facepalmed louder than two cardboard pieces slamming together. "Mikey... He said he wanted his room BACK, not BLACK!"

Mikey looked at him with a blank face. ._.

"Remember when he banned us from our rooms for a week after we snuck out at night to get pizza because _somebody_ finished it all before dinner?" Leo glared down at Mikey.

A lightblub flickered in the young turtle's head. "Oh, yeah, I remember!..."_ Yeah... I didn't think they'd fall for it._ "...But come on! He can't be that pissed about it."

Donnie sighed. "You do know this is Raph we're talking about, right?"

His oldest brother went up to Mikey and whispered, "Did you clear his things the way I asked you to?" Mikey just nodded. "No surprises?"

"Well," He whispered back, "I felt pretty bad so I left like a couple of Spike's things... I think. But that's pretty much it."

Leo wondered how Raph might have reacted to that, but hopefully it wasn't too big of a deal. Raph must have been cooped up in his room all night thinking about his pet. Either that or he was cursing under his breath the entire night.

Leo and Don exchanged a few glances and then shrugged.

_Woah... are they like, being__ telepathetic or something? _

"You know what?" Leo said, "I think we should just let him be for now. It's not our problem." He sighed and slumped into a leg pretzel on the floor in front of the TV.

That was weird... But nonetheless, Mikey was relieved to have touched over and seemingly cleard up the situation with his brothers. He was about to head over to the kitchen to clean up when another silly idea came into his head.

"Hey, Donnie," Mikey tapped his shoulder. "...Do you like waffles?"

His head twirled around. "No, I don't like waffles-"

"Do you like pancakes?"

"No, I- ugh Mikey, not this again!"

Mikey sulked. "Fine. Um, D... can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

He went deep into his ear. "...Do you like french toast?"

Donnie slammed his free hand into the couch and made a beeline to his lab.

Mikey didn't care. He just chuckled as soon as he saw the door slam from across the room.

_Meanwhile..._

His eyes shot open. He didn't know why, it wasn't like he was going into shock or anything, or that he actually had anything in mind that would send him this kind of feeling. He just woke up.

Raph's mind was completely blank. Like, all of his mere thoughts had been wiped out like Leo's Space Hereos game. Of course, he remembered what kind of thoughts har been going through his mind last night. He remembered his frustration oh-so-clearly. Yet, there were so many bad feelings rushing through him that, he had almost forgotten why he had been mad in the first place.

You know those nights where you patiently close your eyes and hope you'll drift off eventually? His night was like that, except he must have waited like 5 hours, plus the 2 hour break he took to beat the shit out of his pillows until he felt remotely better.

_Hmm, _he wondered as he registered the frigid surface beneath him. _I must have fallen off the bed at some point. _He shrugged.

_One of the most peaceful sleeps... Yet one of the most terrible nights..._

Downstairs, he could hear his sensei slamming his cane into the ground and silencing his brothers. He couldn't exactly decipher what they were talking about, but by the tone of their voices it all sounded pretty tense.

_They better not be talking about me...!_

He wish he could make them understand it was much more than just Spike. He was constantly getting into trouble for what his brothers were doing. Always getting dragged into their problems. He wouldn't _have_ any 'anger issues' if it weren't for them.

He felt such an urge to keep locked away from everyone else like this for a long time, yet he felt like suffocating. He needed to get out, at least for a moment.

Without thinking, he pulled out a match he kept in his shell, and lit up a candle on his shelf. He picked the candle and walked out of his room with weary eyes.

He felt empty. He had no idea if it was better than to be filled with many thoughts or to haveno thoughts at all. There was no purpose in doing things either way. As this was the only thing Raph was apparently capable of thinking of right now, he rubbed his eyes to see that he had zombied all the way to Mikey's room.

_Oh right... _He remembered what his little bro had left for him yesterday... or more like what he had **not** left. _I was mad at you, too. _

He realized how special his room was to him. Maybe it actually good there was nothing in it anymore. Wouldn't want to trigger any memories at a bad time like this. Just maybe... Mikey had actualy done him a favor.

Suddenly, Raph had a small change of heart and decided that he would not seek any revenge... for now. He clumsily slid the candle onto a random shelf of Mikey's and walked out.

Before he made it to the doorway, he gave out a quiet yelp as he felt the small creature at his feet.

Klunk looked up at him with gleaming eyes.

"Ughhh." Raph kicked the cat into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Meow," it said innocently behind the door.

"Oh, shut up, cat," he mumbled as the light flame flickered and spread across Mikey's comics.

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**Uh oh! I hope I made it obvious enough on what's going to happen next. So I might have made a couple refrences to breakfast songs, which I don't own, by the way. I'm not clever enough. Please let me know if you want shorter chapters or more chapters like these!**

**ps. I'm thinking of changing my user to CrimsonRose. What do you think, should I? Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So school's here and I finally got a laptop to write with! As in I finally have something to write my essays and assignments with. **

**And sure, why not fanfics as well? :D**

**And by the way... thank you to all who read this!**

* * *

It wasn't even 10:00 and Leo was feeling bored out of his mind. Training was out of the question. Sensei just said so. Maybe he was fed up with all of this teenager drama and needed an excuse to rid himself of it for once. When will this day end? All he wanted to do was talk to Raph. About how he was feeling. or He didn't even care if he caused an argument anymore._ At least Donnie usually has things to do in his lab. I guess Mikey's in the same situation as me... but even he finds a million ways to be annoying when he's bored._

_This sucks. Do I really have nothing more fun to do than watch TV all day? I'm such a loser, I've already re-watched the whole Space Hereos series twice- this week! he smirked. _No way was he regretting watching the season 2 finale, where Captain Ryan save his home planet from the evils of the mighty villain of the day/episode, even if it meant putting his ship and love life at risk.

What a hero.

Even if Captain Ryan was just a fictional character, his duties involved travelling to worlds from across the galaxy, while Leo's crime-fighting services were limited only to this world. Correction- this city! If only he could extend his help to someplace else, not only for the justice he would bring, but for the sake of experiencing a real adventure... and not being stuck in here.

_Raph would totally make fun of me right now if he knew what I was thinking. No! Stop thinking about your brother, goddamn it!_

_Gosh, I even sound like him right no- _He gritted his teeth and tried to calm down. He really needed to stop thinking about his brother. But how?

As soon as he lifted the remote to turn on the TV, a certain grumpy turtle stormed by. "Morning,"

Leo didn't know if he should greet him. Despite what he wanted, he also didn't want to potentially upset him more in any way. He promised his sensei that he would leave Raph alone. This was a delicate situation to be handled with only the most careful of hands. Besides, he didn't want to be the one to tick him off again. Maybe if he just-

"Morning, Raph." Don said, abolishing all of Leo's worries.

"Morning!" Mikey chimed in.

"-Good morning, Raph." Leo said impulsively.

"Morning," he said again. before he disappeared into the dojo.

"You don't want to have breakfast?" Mikey asked innocently.

There was a long pause before Raph half-heartedly spoke. "Wouldn't want to miss out on that, huh?" He crept into the dojo without any further comment.

"Alright, dude... but you'll be missing out on my extra large breakfast burrito!"

"I thought you were making pancakes..." Leo spun around to Mikey. But Raph was already gone. Since when was the last time Raph had eaten? Yesterday? Last week? Technically, according to Donnie, the average human could go without food for a month, while the average turtle could go for 2 weeks, so he presumed they could go as far as 3 weeks.

What was he thinking? Surely Raph would be rational enough to eat something. _Just not with us..._

"You okay, bro?" Mikey looked up at him with a worried pair of baby blue eyes.

No, he urged to say. But it wasn't his little brother's job to be distressed about his problems. "Yeah, I'm alright. You don't have to worry to be worried about me, Mikey. But thanks for asking."

Mikey clearly wasn't convinced by this, but he made himself comfortable of the couch beside him and pretended like nothing serious was going on. "Alright!" He beamed. "I was just making sure... Tell me if you ever want to talk about Raph, kay?"

"OKAY I'LL BE BACK LATER SEE YA GUYS," Donnie disappeared from the lair.

"Woah, and where do you think you're going?" Leo trailed behind him.

"I'm going to see April. I told you last week, remember?"

"Right now? At a random time like this? What is this 'project' about, anyways?"

"It is a project and that shall be nothing more to you; as for any more information, that's none of your business." He responded firmly.

"Hold on, you said none of my business?" Leo reprimanded with the same tone. "I'm your older brother, and as your older brother, it is my job to know what and where you guys are at all times."

"Oh right. I keep forgetting that you're a brother and not my legal guardian."

Mikey scooted over on the couch nearest to the exit to listen on to what they were arguing about.

"-a 'project', huh?"

"Yeah, you don't believe me?

"See, You see why you can't leave you alone with a girl with that kind of mentality?"

"You brang it up! ...Did you just question my mentality?!"

_This is a little scary, _Mikey thought,_ Most of the time it's Leo and Raph who fight. I guess this whole issue is making Leo even more uptight then usual._ As compelling as this argument was, he was in no mood to listen into any more negative vibes. There was too much of that going on lately anyways, with Raph being a bigger stick in the mud than normally. He_ could_ intervene and try to stop his brothers before things got out of hand, but Mikey decided they didn't share much communication opportunities lately and that they should work it out on their own. Besides, he could barely hear them at this distance anymore. He snuck his way upstairs, his brothers' heated arguments cooling down in his mind as he got farther away.

In the youngest turtle's eyes, the chances of this family falling apart was not far out of reach. _At least I've still got you, Klunk. _He reached for the doorknob to his room and jumped back.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, checking to see that all 3 of his toes were still connected to his foot. He saw that the floor underneath the door cracks were black, a colour that was no different than the burnt toast he used to make before he had taken up culinary as a hobby.

They were small flames, but nonetheless flames that burned like hell.

He was so completely and utterly stunned, as he ran to hopelessly blow out the fire catching onto his comic pages. His shelves and figurines had been burnt to full extent, but besides the few trails of fire around the door and the surrounding wall, everything else was still salvageable.

Except for one thing...

"KLUNK!" He remembered when he saw a pint of a tail sticking out from the side of his bed in the far wall of the room. Mikey didn't take a moment's time to hesitate as he bolted through the burnt spots as best as he could, heroically flipped over the bed, tumbled down in the corner along with Klunk and scooped up the small cat in his arms.

"Don't worry, Daddy's got you," He stroked Klunk, trying to soothe the anxious cat down. Mikey looked into his eyes and stayed. Those cat eyes would make him melt faster than any bonfire ever could.

_Huh, I thought fires like this would catch on in a matter of seconds,_ he wondered impetuously.

As if he was being heard, one of the shelves crashed onto the ground, lighting the entire place around it.

Mikey desperately tried to figure a way out. The flames were too big to safely rush through anymore, and the heat was beginning to become less and less bearable, even at this distance. He was safe behind his bed for now, but at this rate it wouldn't be long till the flames reached the end of the room and the sheet caught on fire.

_Air... getting... thick..._

The only escape route was the door, which luckily, was left open, but the wisps of smoke made it too difficult to see where he was going. Besides, hadn't it been one of the first things to catch on fire?

He remembered Raph and sensei in the dojo and Leo and Donnie fighting. Were they too far away to hear him? If he was out of earshot, then his freedom would have to depend on himself. But who could think straight when the feeling of intoxication was right at his throat?

Hopefully his adrenaline was enough to keep him from blacking out. But even his fear was starting to give up on him.

As a last ditch effort, Mikey choked back his tears, and while clutching Klunk with all his might, he did the first thing he should have done. "LEO! DON! RAPH!"

No no no. His vision was starting to black out. This wasn't the end... It couldn't be! There was still so much stuff he wanted to do! _Don't think like that, Mikey!_ _Just wait a little longer... Soon my bros are going to break through that door and... and... everything's going to be fine!_

His voice dropped to a whisper. "Help me..."

**_A few minutes before..._**

He pushed open the door, expecting to see Splinter meditating at the tree, as usual. But the dojo was empty. He could just wait. But he wasn't used to patience, so he called. "Sensei? You there? Can I-" come in? He was already inside. "Can I talk to you?"

After a minute or so, he spoke. "I was hoping you'd come to me." His master's voice came from behind the tree. "Although I'd wish it had been sooner."

Raph sighed. "Better later than never, huh?" Splinter revealed himself and stroked his beard, as how he always did when he was thinking or felt a pause of silence was necessary. "Sit down." He gestured to the mat.

"Um, before that, I just wanna know... are you talking as my father or my counsellor?"

For the first time, Splinter made fierce eye contact with his son. "Okay, I'll sit." Raph mumbled.

After another eternity of silence- what was up with silence, anyways?- he spoke again. "So, we both know what this is about." Splinter sat down in front of him. "So why don't we just start with, how are you feeling?"

He didn't bother lying. "I've been better. It's just-" He let it all out. "It sucks! I can't live in a place where I can't be myself! You guys always think I'm the grumpy one, that I'm the bad guy. And I'm not saying that's not entirely true, I know that I can get pretty mad easily. But they're not helping! Leo's so uptight, he thinks he can boss me around just because he's the 'leader' or because he's 'older'. Mikey always messes things up... Did you see what he did to my room yesterday! He stripped the entire place clean! And Donnie's... he's cooped up in that room full time! At least he leaves me alone, but he doesn't even bother to talk to me sometimes!-" _Shell, I said too much..._

He continued anyways. "I just can't... I just can't do this anymore. I'm just fed up with everyone. So if you think I'm protecting any soft spot I had for Spike, you're completely wrong." Splinter put a hand on his shoulder before he could say any more.

"...Are you gonna punish me for what I said?" Raph asked nervously.

"I don't mean to put any ideas into your head, but I want to know. Have you ever planned on running away recently?"

The truth is, it had crossed his mind. "...Yeah. Why?"

He released his grip on Raph. "It has been made pretty clear to me that this family is slowly drifting apart. Which I can understand is why you wouldn't want to be around for much longer. As for what you said about your brothers, I don't think they'd be at all pleased to hear about it... But I respect you voicing your opinion to me."

The turtle sighed. "You're not gonna tell them, are you?"

"No." He rose, worried. "I'm sorry, but we will have to continue this later."

What? "Why?" But his sensei had already left.

This made no sense to him, but he trusted his father, and if he interrupted something as important as discussing family issues, there was definitely something wrong. He rushed out of the dojo, where he found Splinter searching the place.

"Where are your brothers?" Splinter asked him.

"I don't know," he answered doubtfully and truthfully. "They were all just here when I came in a while ago..." He was cut off by the echo of familiar voices outside of the lair. Splinter and Raph sped over to the sewers outside their home and found 2 turtles disputing at the end of the hall.

"What is all this bickering about?" Splinter interrupted.

"Yeah, Leo, I thought fighting was our thing?" Raph teased. Leo was taken aback for a moment, not because of the comment but of the usual sarcasm behind. It was like... Raph was sounding like his usual self again.

"Leo won't let me go see April!" Don exclaimed.

"Are you really going to leave him alone with a girl?" Leo countered.

"I've been alone with her plenty of times!"

"Alone in the lab doesn't count!"

"I think it does!"

"Doesn't that sound a bit suspicious, sensei?" Leo turned to his sensei for help.

Raph decided to join in. "Yeah, Donnie, aren't you always calling her so that you guys can _'experiment'_ together?..."

His face flushed. "What?! No!"

"Enough!' Their father commanded, shutting the three up.

All of a sudden, a fire alarm went off and everyone's eyes shot open. The effect it had on them was instantaneous. Leo rushed to the kitchen, looking for any signs of a fire on the stove or in the oven or in the stove. Nothing. Donnie was nowhere in sight, but Raph figured he had gone to grab the fire extinguisher. Sensei disappeared into the dojo, even though they had only been there minutes earlier and there was no way there was any danger going on in there. But this was how they had planned it, if a fire were ever to happen. _What was my job again? Think, Raph, think!_ Oh right. He and Mikey were to check the bedrooms.

_Mikey!_

With the alarm going off and Mikey being nowhere to be found, there was only one thing- er, turtle that could have possibly caused this havoc. It could just be a prank, for all he knew. But this was no time to figure out whodunit.

Of course, he expected the base to be in his room. But nothing could have prepared him to see Mikey's door almost completely engulfed by the flames.

Trembling with horror and yes, fear, he called out to only reconfirm what he knew to be true. "MIKEY!"

"-RAPH! Help me..."

Leo popped up at his side moments later. "You don't think Mikey's in there, do you...?" But even Fearless couldn't mask the panic in his voice.

"DONNIE! THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! NOW!" Raph cried.

"Heads up!" Don warned from downstairs, lifting the red containter above his head and sending it upstairs with all his might.

Leo caught the extinguisher and began blasting the foam onto the creamated door.

"Hurry, Leo!" Raph panicked.

"I'm TRYING!" Leo raged back.

Once the door was clear of fire, they busted in and Leo and Raph looked at each other, this small detail assuring their unbreakable bond and they instantly became a team: Leo was putting out the fire in the way and then the surrounding areas, while Raph called out for his younger brother.

"Mikey! Mikey, talk to me!" Raph called through wisps of smoke. "Answer me!" he demanded, but it came out more like a call of despair than a demand.

There was a few coughs, followed by some wheezing. When he got through, the sight of an unconscious turtle slightly curled up in a ball, his hands still clutching that ugly cat of his, overwhelmed Raph so much that he could only think one thing before rushing to his aid.

_Mikey! No..._

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**I really don't have much to say this time... ****Please review! It makes my day. c: **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey fellow readers! Thanks to all for all the reads and nice reviews! Also for the patience you've had with me... I admit it will take a little longer to update now but I promise I'll do my best to keep up with things so I can finish sooner. Also, b****efore I let you read, can I just say that season. 2. finale. perhaps ****the most emotional 40 minutes of my month...**

**Raph: Ugh, nobody here wants to hear about your hormones. Now get on with the story!**

**Me: Where did you- Okay, fine, geez... :(**

**warning: a couple swear words in this chapter. that's all.**

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"Mikey?! Mikey!"

Raph grasped him hard and shook his brother in a way you should never shake an unconscious person. For a few seconds, it was the two of them. No fire, no distance, no smoke, no pain, no big brother calling down for help to the others, or a little one laying in his arms. It was as if time had thickened with every step he took. He knelt down, collected him in his, arms poised to lift him up, but time was no longer thickening and was now stiffening them into place. How could you tell someone else was dead if you weren't even sure of your own life? That was what Raph was feeling right now. Between the air density, his tense body, the bruises and burn marks, and overall the circumstance, it was pretty easy to mistake an unconscious from a lifeless body here. Luckily, the faint breaths of air coming from his mouth and the small rise of his chest as he was still breathing said otherwise. Raph sighed in relief.

"Raph? Raph, you there?"

He hadn't even realized Leo was already knelt down beside him. And since when had all the remaining fire disappear? Of course it hadn't vanished on its own. Leo had already put out the room and what had Raph done in the meanwhile?

Yeah, that's what he thought.

But if he was back into focus, why was his body still feeling numb? "We have to get Mikey downstairs. Donnie's already setting up the lab for him." He could tell that Leo was noticeably shook up from what had happened, but somehow he had this magical gift to follow task in the most difficult times.

_Stop losing yourself in thought, Raph!_

Leo looked at him worriedly. "Do you want me to help you?"

He didn't even need to nod to indicate his approval. The both of them picked him up in silence, carefully but quickly.

"Donnie!" Leo called out from the stairs.

"Put him here," Don called back from inside the lab, watching as Raph and Leo set a silent Mikey on the medical bed

"What now?" Raph demanded a solution from Leo.

"I don't know. I guess it's all in Donnie's hands now."

In the lab, Don examined his patient. Frankly, out of all his brothers, Mikey was the one who most frequently visited the lab for a doctor's checkup and test runs. It wasn't because he was the youngest or anything, but his immune system was pretty weak compared to all the rest of them. Fortunately, his agility and good attitude always made up for whatever small health issue that came up. It wasn't like this was the first time something dangerous had happened in their home. Less than a month ago, Raph had raged at Mike and Leo for something pretty stupid and each of them had ended with with sprained body parts and endless amounts of cuts along their arms and faces. Leo even had a red hand mark plastered on his neck, like someone had grabbed him by the throat, which terrified Donnie a little. But this... this happened the privacy of his own bedroom. What could have possibly happened for him to cause such a threatening situation in such a little amount of time and such a small amount of space?

Why were they always so rough with each other? He made a mental note to input some security cameras or something to spy-er... monitor them and see what caused them to end up more hurt than a battle against the foot clan.

When the scan was complete, he glanced over at the screen, wincing. _This is bad news..._ he thought. But there was nothing he could do until Mikey woke up, so Donnie went ahead to confirming that the rest of his vitals were fine, and that there were only a couple minor burns to tend to.

There. He hadn't had much time to register the possibilities, bu judging by the alarm, there must have been a fire, wasn't it? Maybe it could have been fireworks? A lighter? It better not have been the latter.

Behind him, a voice spoke with what sounded like something between an ugly wheeze and a groan. "Donnie?" He shot up. "-" He broke into a violent cough for what seemed like a half hour. Why did it burn like hell to talk? Mikey panicked inside, seeing Donnie race around getting supplies.

Seeing he was awake, Don rushed to his side. "Don't talk." He put a finger to the young turtle's mouth yearning with things to say. He could already read the confusion and shock on his face. _Ahhhhh help whatsoing on I want to talk where am i oh its the lab whats going on D:_

"Don't worry, Mikey." He settled down next to him. "It looks like there was nothing serious on the exterior of your body. Just a couple small burns on your legs and arms. Unfortunately, some of the smoke you inhaled made some temporary damage to your lugs and larynx. That combined with all the screaming you've been doing lately." He chuckled.

Mikey paused in thought, taking in in. He gestured to a pen and paper on Donnie's desk, motioning for him to get it. After being handed the items, he scribbled down a bunch of stuff and returned it back to Donnie. It said: 'does it mean i can't talk?'

He smiled. "No, no. I mean, does it hurt to talk?" Mikey nodded. "Well, according to my tests, as long as you keep the volume down a bit and drink lots of water, you'll be back to normal in less than a couple weeks. Oh, and your lungs are a little fragile, so no running around either. Understood?"

He nodded again, grinning. "It's still fun to use the notebook." He whispered, making the purple banded turtle chuckle. He scribbled down more words on the notebook. 'Wait... what happened to my room?' it read.

"Actually, I'm not sure. I haven't been up there yet. But didn't you move your things downstairs a few days ago?" Mikey nodded in relief. "Yeah, I wouldn't sweat it much. We were going to repaint your room anyways."

Mikey was relieved that he had not been in deep trouble like he thought. But he knew that no matter what, Donnie would always be able to fix anything. Mikey's mind wandered back to the fire, something that felt like it had happened years ago. Even though everything was seemingly fine, he felt like he was missing something. But what? He was sure that all... most of his things were downstairs and that he had come out unharmmed... sorta. What did he miss? His other brothers perhaps? No, they weren't with him. His bed? Well, that could be easily replaced. What if his room wasn't as salvageable as Donnie said it was? What if, instead, he found an burned out hole? He'd have to sleep somewhere else, put his things elsewhere, create new memories... How could he ever replace his room, where he had stored his precious comics, pizza boxes, hid Raph's game consoles, cried on a bad day before one of his brothers came to comfort him, played with his beloved cat, dance around-

It broke through his thoughts like a earthquake. "KLUNK!" He disappeared through the lab door and raced upstairs in panic.

"-?" "Mikey!" He called, racing after him.

**_A few minutes earlier..._**

He looked at the clock on the wall. Approximately 10 minutes had passed... or so Raph guessed. He had never really had the patience to learn how to read an analog clock. It could have been an hour, for all he knew. He couldn't tell the difference right now.

A wave of anxiety rushed through him. Why did Raph have this ugly gut feeling that it was all somehow his fault? No, that was impossible, he hadn't been with Mikey in his room until it happened. There was no way he could have- or would have- caused such a thing. Maybe it was because he hadn't gotten Mikey out of there fast enough? Ugh. He was starting to think like a certain fearless leader.

Speaking of, he glanced up at the blue banded turtle sitting on the opposite end of the couch. _What is he still doing here? Wonder what he's thinking about. He's probably worried about what's going to happen. _

It was weird to think that just, he had declined Mikey's offer to make breakfast for him.

Oh well. He had no appetite anyways.

"It's okay." He said, breaking the silence. "Mikey's got Donnie right now."

No duh, Sherlock. Raph was expecting some sort of lame consolation, but this was above his expectations. That wasn't what was really bugging Raph though. If Leo clearly knew he was being taken care of, why was he still here?

As if he had read his mind, Leo pondered for a bit, waiting for the effect of the stupid comment to wear off, and spoke up once again.

"And you've got me."

This caught him by surprise. He was starting to think Leo was waiting for the same reasons he was, that even though Mike and Don were together he just couldn't let them be until he was 100% assured that everything was going fine in there. Perhaps that, too, but...

Leo was there for _him. _

"I'm worried about you, Raph." Leo said bluntly.

Raph threw a questioning look at him. They had almost lost their brother minutes ago, and Leo was too busy worried about a sulking Raph at the other end of the couch.

"I thought we were all here for each other." Raph countered.

"Well, of course we are. But you and I both know that those two are tighter than your grip when you're mad..." He forced a smile. "Besides, Mikey wouldn't give up on Donnie and Donnie would never let him, anyways. And you and me... we're the A team, remember?" Leo smiled. "Look, I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, what with your pet loss, and"

That broke him. "You still think it's about Spike, huh?! You think I'm just a moody, uncontrollable brat who can't keep his shit together BECAUSE OF A STUPID PET-"

"Raph, I saw the empty bottles at the back of your closet." Leo interrupted.

_What?_ How did he even know about that? Why would he dare go through his stuff? _I really should be saying these out loud._ He felt too many thoughts swirling around his head that it seemed too much to translate to his mouth. "Why were you going through my stuff?!" was all that came out after a minute.

"KLUNK!" A cry echoed throughout the living room.

"Huh?" He flippped around and saw the orange blur flash in and out of their sights, disappearing up the stairs. Donnie soon followed suit a few seconds after. Acting on instinct, Raph jumped up, ready to follow as well when a hand stopped him. "Don't." Leo said. "Donnie's got it."

And for some strange reason, he listened. Everything muscle within him urged to move, but he just couldn't.

"This doesn't mean you're off the hook about this. We're having this conversation whether you like it or not." Leo rose and headed towards the dojo. Talk about a teacher's pet. Still, it gave him the chills.

All jokes aside, Raph was scared as hell for what would happen. Not that he cared if he got in trouble for it. The disapproval on his father's and older brother's faces, the disappointment on Don's and Mike's if they found out... that was way worse. This couldn't be happening. And if Leo knew about this, who knows what other secrets he could be hiding from him?

...

Mikey searched his room in a frantic. "Klunk?" He whispered loudly, still not able to speak properly.

"What's wrong?" Donnie burst in.

"I- my cat, he's-" Mikey broke out into a serious cough attack.

Don gently rubbed his back. "Take it easy, Mikey. Your cat, you said? Was he here with you before?" Mikey widened his eyes in agreement and desperation.

"Mikey! I think I fou-!" He froze in shock and digust. _Is that-?_

"Klunk?" Mikey peered over Donnie's shoulder.

Donnie would have rather given up his lab than to ever have his younger brothers experience the horrific tragedy before him... but even Donnie was so caught up in his awe that he couldn't do a thing about it.

"Is that-?" Mikey trembled, fresh tears already threatening to flow down his face.

It was too late anyways to ever take such a memory back. Him and Mikey both.

"Donnie, listen to me!"

Even the genius himself couldn't bring himself to say it. "I-I think... that's your..." He quivered, hardly raising a hand at the precious thing now who's corpse was incinerated to a crisp.

His next phrase was barely audible, but he mouthed it with all his remaining ounces of sanity and embraced himself for the worst.

"-cat."

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**Well, now that I got a laptop of my own to write from (even though it got a freaking virus!) , I'm gonna go back and make some corrections to my old chapters... I know I made a few errors on those :/ I accidentally wrote lightblub in a phrase. XDD**

**Raph: A few?**

**Me: Oh be quiet you. Thank you for all the PM's and reviews so much! Please review!**


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